they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Randomize
