i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
