nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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