Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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