Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
