I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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