Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
