how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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