I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize