i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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