yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
