don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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