East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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