I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
