even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
