I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
