it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
