its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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