every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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