He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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