My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
