I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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