Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
