Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
