you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize