While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
