I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
