RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
