I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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