my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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