Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
