It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
