Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
