fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
