She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
