my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
the liver wants what the liver wants
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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