Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
FUCK WHALES
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
