I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
