i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
