Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No subtext here. People are naked.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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