There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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