what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
