why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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