I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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