Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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