im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
