Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
