I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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