so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
