Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
