why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
