Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
