My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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