Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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