just come out here and I will go home with you...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
well you can't waste a boner
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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