found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
