Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Please, let me fuck your mom
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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