I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
