And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
As shirtless as possible
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
