I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
