Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Someone signed my nipple.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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