the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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