I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What a dumb baby whore.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
