I should be sponsored by Trojan
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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