Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
