the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
