did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
