Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
