and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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