Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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