So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
