just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
