so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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